dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
