Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
