She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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