worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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