come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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