woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
