Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize