he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
