Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
