so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
