Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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