I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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