Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
