the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
