Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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