Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
