I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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