Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
