I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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