Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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