You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
