guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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