My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just gargled with NyQuil
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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