i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
