I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
