Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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