i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
