D3 body, D1 cock
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
