If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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