Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
