i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
