Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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