Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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