What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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