So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
