i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
