I cut my penus on the lid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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