hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
