My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
