Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
