I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
