I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
