Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
