Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize