he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
