i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize