he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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