just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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