Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
