So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
