I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
