Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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