so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
