Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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