i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
