It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
