I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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