You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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