coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
