Pappa wants mamma naked
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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