Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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