I heard we made out
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
