Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
