Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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