i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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