On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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