Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
