we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
