just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
