great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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