Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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