So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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