Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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