just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
